"Sometimes a crowded room can feel the most alone." ~Mat Kearney, "Wait"
“Alone we are, deeply alone, and always, in store for us, a layer of loneliness even deeper."
~Philip Roth, American Pastoral
Throughout middle school, high school, and college, I was a total wallflower in any dancing environment. I stood with my other insecure buddies in a corner, and scoffed at anyone who let loose a little bit. Thankfully, a girl broke me out of this after I graduated from college.
But even now, as I busta move among siblings and/or friends, I'm still aware of people out there like my old (or current) self. I see that person in the corner smoking a cigarette. Perhaps even more painfully, I notice that person dancing by himself, mentally begging someone to dance with him. And yes, I see the more aggressive ones, throwing themselves onto people, with or without invitation.
It's a weird world we live in, where both great joy--good food and drink, celebration, friendship--and and the great sadness of loneliness are so apparent in one setting. I think it's part of the human condition and that we all feel it at times, although often I have detached from pain of it.
But I think the reason I sense the loneliness from others so quickly on the dance floor is because it surfaces my own. The only real difference between me and the person dancing with himself is that I usually show up to a party or bar or wedding with other people. In other words, I mask the loneliness; I surround it so that it doesn't come out at inconvenient times, like while I'm dancing.
But it comes out anyway.
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