Travel, Loneliness, Place, Biodiversity, and the Peace Corps: An Interview with My Sister, Angela

It doesn't take a Feminist to see that my series of interviews is desperate for some female voices. I'm going to keep looking for them, but I knew I could count on my sister, Angela, for some good stuff. She has spent the last year-and-a-half in Ecuador. Here is our interview.

Chris: You've spent the last year and a half in Ecuador as a part of the Peace Corps. What drew you to the Peace Corps and how has the experience aligned with your expectations?

Angela: As a child and teenager I heard several adults who I respected talk about their Peace Corps experiences and how much it formed the person they became and what they believed. In an abstract way I wanted this type of experience, although it was also largely for the selfish desire to travel far away from the small town where I grew up and have some adventures. Then as I was nearing the end of high school, and even more so, throughout college, I became much more aware of the things going on in the world around me. In college I became somewhat active in raising small-scale awareness of huge social justice issues through my college social work club and in volunteering at a refugee resettlement agency in Erie, PA. The main issues focused on were Darfur and Burma (Myanmar), but it became increasingly clear to me that there were injustices occurring all over the world, of which most Americans seemed ignorant. At this point I was trying to figure out what was next and thought the Peace Corps would be a great stepping stone to get into the world of international development. I was drawn to the fact that it had a training program and that I would spend two year in one place, which would give me plenty of time to become proficient in at least one other language.

I have to say in just about every way my experience has not been the equivalent to my expectations. This is not to say that everything has been bad and that the Peace Corps has completely failed me. So much of one’s Peace Corps experience is dependent on a country and specific site placement within that country. I have to say I was completely disappointed by the level of training I received, although I realize now this is largely due to the fact that Ecuador is a high-risk PC country relating to safety and security issues. Many of the Early Terminations (ETs) are due to robberies or other incidents. This means that we are repeatedly forced to listen to security talks pounding prevention tactics into our brains. Obviously this is important and has been helpful throughout my experience, yet it often left us feeling that our training staff was not committing sufficient time to language classes or specific skill training relating to our individual work assignments. This may not have been that important to some, but for me, it was one of the main reasons I chose the PC over other programs that send volunteers abroad for service. Also, I was sent to Ecuador as a Youth & Families “Special Needs” volunteer, of which I had next to no experience. I made the poor assumption that much of my training would be dedicated to this area. I was wrong. During our two-month training, we spent one morning visiting a special needs school, had one talk on macro themes relating to Special Needs (humans rights, national policies, etc), and a week-long tech trip supposedly focused on giving “charlas” or educational talks on values like self-esteem and goals to children with various handicaps. However, most of this trip ended up being sex education charlas to various populations that had no connection whatsoever to special needs.

Another way in which my experience doesn’t align with my expectations was that I had this romanticized idea of going away to spend two years in a tiny little village where I would know and build relationships with everyone in the town. Then in reality, I was sent to a beautiful city of 200,000. I lived in a town up the side of one mountain and worked up the side of another mountain all the way across the city center. I am not saying this type of set-up does not have advantages: I have plenty of friends my age, the gender roles are not as strict in most cities (it is perfectly appropriate, even if not completely normal, for me to play soccer with a bunch of guys every week), and I have a broader choice when it comes to restaurants, churches, and places to go out at night. Yet, I still feel inklings of jealousy when I go visit my friends out in the beautiful countryside or in small coastal towns where they know every neighbor and spend legitimate time with the people in their neighborhood, even if only for lack of other things to do.

The main expectation that has not lined up with my expectations is my work. Again, I was expecting to work in a rural area (and in a severely underdeveloped country), where the education was pretty low and where my lack of job experience wouldn’t make much of a difference because my college education would provide me more than enough knowledge to start some sustainable projects that the town had never thought of, while building relationships with the youth and women of the town. But I am in a city with 3 separate universities (one of which is public and free to all). While in my experience the education level is not equal to that of an average U.S school, the majority of people I come into contact are high school or college graduates and have as much or more knowledge as I do in life skills and, specifically, in the area of Special Education. Aside from this, I was placed in a special needs school, which is run by a much bigger political organization. This means, of course, that there is plenty of bureaucracy and paperwork that my coworkers and counterpart must deal with on a daily basis, often skewing the decision-making to fit the administration, rather than the students and parents of the school. It also means that my “counterpart” has never had time to work with me to plan projects, but would rather I keep my mouth shut and work as an extra employee of the school. I am definitely not alone in this. Many volunteers in cities seem to be placed in these types of situations and are just treated as free labor. In my specific situation, though, a person from outside the school was the one to send in the volunteer application, so no one in the organization really understood what a volunteer was supposed to do. Their expectations of me do not at all fit what the application asked of a volunteer. Also, the school has had four directors so far in the year and a half I have been here, meaning that my official counterpart is constantly changing and any project planning we have done has been completely erased once a new director steps in.

Chris: What have been the best and worst aspects about the experience?

Angela: This is pretty difficult to answer as I am still inside the experience. But something that I think is both a blessing and curse is how much I have been humbled here (a good thing), to the point of losing my confidence almost completely (a bad thing), in my ability to do good work. This clearly has been a painful process, but has helped me to realize that I need to be intentional about choosing a work environment that is filled with supportive people who are willing to take extra time challenge me and to help me grow. Basically I have learned the lesson that I, as an individual, am not worth that much. Yet in a community with similar goals, I can do a great deal of meaningful work.

Other than this, the worst part has been loneliness. I totally underestimated my reliance on others. It is my third time living abroad, but did not realize how different this experience would be given the much longer time commitment and the fact that previous experiences have been largely centered around diversions. The best part, though, has been my relationships in general, but especially with the kids. When I first visited the school I was so overwhelmed by the difficulties of their daily lives and the suffering of their families, most of whom live in extreme poverty. I was terrified of being put in charge of the kids, as I have spent no significant time around any persons with handicaps (the closest experience being a month-long internship working with adults who have mental illnesses, which is not really the same at all). I know through this experience I have overcome a lot of this fear and come to better understand the strengths and needs of each child as an individual. While I regret not being able to complete the project ideas I had and talked to people about at various point (mostly to work with the families in order to provide job opportunities or more education on nutrition, etc), I am grateful for my time in a classroom with children with whom no one else wants to work. I was put in a classroom with a new teacher and a classroom full of preteen boys with severe mental handicaps and significant behavioral issues. No teacher in the school wanted to be placed with these kids, including the teacher I now work with. Last year I worked largely as a substitute teacher, and on the days when I was thrown into this class, generally with no warning and nothing offered to keep the kids busy, I would spend all day frustrated and sometimes on the verge of tears. This year, working together we have made it a much more enjoyable classroom setting and have seen progress in each child. The advances are small and maybe impossible for anyone from the outside to see, yet each time we witness a child behaving better, trying something new or simply happier, it makes it worth all the frustrations. Each day is still a challenge full of ups and downs, and we still feel as if our students tend to take two steps forward and one back, but in my mind it does redeem my experience here in many ways. Even if I leave no “sustainable” changes behind when I leave, I know I have changed and grown significantly in ways that will make me a better person and help me to be a more effective worker wherever I end up. My little sister (Mandy, also your sister), recently had me read an article written by a Returned Peace Corps Volunteer (RPCV) on how her experience taught her how to fail and how this is important for young Americans to learn, because we are often sheltered from this reality growing up. I would say my experience has been similar in many.

Chris: I have heard that Ecuador is one of the most bio-diverse countries in the world. How much of that diversity have you experienced?

Angela: Yes this is true, and the natural beauty of Ecuador is incredible! I am convinced if it weren’t for all the crime and the lack of organization it would definitely be one of the top, if not the top, tourist country in the world. Sadly, a poor transportation system makes travelling more difficult than I anticipated. The country is split into three main regions (four if you include the Galapagos Islands): the coastal region, the Andes mountain region, and the jungle region. Each of these have very distinct cultures as well, although even within the regions there are many indigenous groups or tribes that continue to keep alive their own languages, traditions, celebrations, and even justice systems (that often seem pretty barbaric to many of us). This is very beautiful at times, yet messy—as with anything—and has caused a lot of problems for both the country’s political system and for foreigners who wander in blind to the cultural realities of where they are.

My own experience has largely been in areas close to my site. I am fortunate to live in a beautiful southern province set in the mountains, but only a short drive from the edge of the jungle and the start of the coastal region (although the actual beach is several hours away). I am also fortunate enough to be less than an hour from the entrance of Podocarpus National Park, which supposedly holds the world record for the most species of trees per hectare. It spans from high altitude cloud forest to lower altitude rain forest. I hiked with some friends to the famous Lagunas del Campadre in the cloud forest. The hike general takes two-three days, although ours took four due to a poorly-followed “shortcut.” I have also done a few shorter hikes as well on the rain forest side, the most common one being out to the waterfall La Poderosa, or The Powerful. On these hikes we definitely saw a wide variety of trees and other plants, which are beautiful and exotic. I am nowhere near a botanist and do not know many of their names or much information on them. The city of Zamora, on the jungle side of the park, is known as a top bird-watching spot. I spent a weekend there in a hostel (made up of a cluster of cabins), which is focused on sustainability issues and helping people enjoy the park and the birds in nondestructive ways. The owner puts out food for the birds every morning, and it is incredible to see how many different species end up there that I have never and possibly will never see again in my life.

I am still hoping to take a trip deeper in the jungle, although much of it is off limits to PC volunteers for various security reasons. The other place I (and everyone else) would love to go is the Galapagos, but it is expensive and unlikely on my PC stipend. I am, however, looking forward to revisiting both sides of the park with the purpose of sharing the experience with my family when they come down next week!

Chris: I know you're a reader. How do you go and the other PC volunteers go about acquiring your reading materials down there and what are you reading right now?

Angela: PC volunteers are probably one of the biggest reading populations I have ever encountered. For that reason books are usually not a problem for me, although being a city volunteer who frequently meets up with others makes this much easier than for some more isolated volunteers. One of the strengths of PC, at least in my experience, is the sense of solidarity among volunteers, many times among people who would never be friends in most circumstances. Volunteers are great about passing along not only books, but magazines, DVDs (cheap pirated copies of recently released movies can be found around every corner), and music. We can also borrow books from the PC office in Quito and most cities have some sort of library (although most libraries generally do not allow checking out) or cafe or hostel that has a book exchange. Book stores themselves do exist in some cities, but are expensive and don’t tend to offer a huge selection of English books.

As I have more free time than probably ever in my life, I have been flying through books. I was given the advice by an older volunteer of keeping a list of the books I read while I am here. I am grateful that I have done this, because it is easy for me to relate what was reading at any given time to particular experiences I was having here. For example, I have read several cheap novels I would probably not normally chose at times when I spent a lot of time suffering physical illness and got stretched for books I actually wanted to read. Recently, though, I have had the luck of some packages from the states and a trip home, meaning I have had some really quality books to read. Recently I finished Barbara Kingsolver’s latest novel, Prodigal Summer (which you gave me). It was the first novel of hers that I have read, and while when I first began reading it I thought it was not my style (it had the feeling of a cheap romantic novel at times), in the end I really enjoyed it and found the way Kingsolver explored the tension between the natural and human world fascinating. The majority of the book focuses on three separate relationships, which make very real the daily difficulties of living off the land without exploiting it. I have spent a considerable time in the past few years trying to work through these difficulties from an academic/intellectual standpoint, yet this often clashes, at least in the short-term, with the needs of impoverished communities. These communities generally have lifetimes of experience trying to live off the land, which can be a source of resentment toward those who go off to learn about the land in classes, then come tell these experienced communities that they need to change all of their methods. The argument could be made that Kingsolver is clearly biased toward the academic side and doesn’t do justice to the communities’ experiences, but it is an interesting read nonetheless. I then started Philip Roth’s American Pastoral (also from you), which is also a first read for me of this author, but I am not far enough in to make any sort of judgment. Another author I have recently discovered is Marilynne Robinson. She seems to have gotten fairly popular in recent years, but I had never heard of her until a friend sent me a copy of her novel Housekeeping. After I finished that one, I stumbled across a copy of Gilead, which quickly moved into my list of top five favorite books. It is set in a rural small town and deals with a wide variety of issues, including the human tensions involved in family, forgiveness, growing old, and war/pacifism, and others, all connected through the threads of faith and theology.

Chris: When you were in the states, you resonated a bit with the Occupy Movement particularly as it relates to student loans. What has your experience in that area been?

Angela: My experience is pretty typical: I was a college student who racked up a bunch of debt due to my own poor decision-making and a naive trust of a school and education system, which is (in my opinion) more focused on making money than on providing a good education at a realistic cost. No country has comparable college costs, and while most American colleges include living costs and many more luxuries, these are generally unnecessary, yet often mandatory. One specific example of this at my school included as full freshman meal plans, which were NEVER used up and couldn’t be used to pay for friends, but still a mandatory part of tuition. Another would be the rule that students must live on campus the first two years (other than commuters that can prove previous residency in Erie), rather than allowing students to find cheaper, off campus housing. And the fact is that the little luxuries provided to students and used to justify tuition increases still don’t add up to the differences. I am not saying that I think my college did anything illegal, with the exception, of a specific administrator in charge of our work study program (who continually cut mine and other students’ work study amounts) who was eventually fired for embezzlement, and who I am sure had to pay back the school (which of course doesn’t really help out the students’ debt problems). Yet a lack of breaking the law doesn’t equal honorable treatment of students or their tuition. No one ever explained to me that the financial aid package I received as a freshman would significantly shrink each year, while school tuition increased. Yes, I should have gone out of my way to ask more questions. But, I was a naive eighteen year old, as are most college freshman. And as to tuition increases, they can give a million reasons why it was necessary each year, but the truth is that most of the over $6,000 that tuition increased while I was a student went toward an unnecessary $14 million new freshman dorm. It was unnecessary because the existing housing at the school was not and never had been completely filled, and it was also irrelevant to me because it was not used until after I graduated. It was also full of unnecessary luxuries, like a gym inside just for the freshmen who would eventually live there. This may help “the future” of the school and eventually help line the pockets of administrators, but it certainly doesn’t help students get a quality education without going deeper into debt.

I realize I could have gone to an Indiana state school that offered in-state tuition. I should have worked harder to get outside scholarships and maybe should have spent more time working instead of pursuing non-scholarship athletic interests. Yet, the financial aid package and tuition I was presented with coming in would have resulted in much less debt than I ended up with after aid decreases and tuition increases, and if I had known what to expect I am sure I would have at least considered these options more. I also could have transferred. But another issue at my school was that they were pretty strict (and in my opinion slightly shady) about not accepting transfer credits. This was an issue that cost many of my friends thousands of dollars and discouraged me from wanting to transfer elsewhere, lest the same occur there. Fortunately, I had an advisor who helped me out in this area while trying to convince the school that they should accept all of my study abroad credits, which of course, they did not want to do. Luckily, this advisor went in with me on several occasions to make sure all my credits were counted and I wouldn’t have to retake pointless classes and waste money taking them. The support I received from her the rest of my academic department was another reason I chose not to leave the school. Unfortunately, not all students had someone going to bat for them.

Chris: Looking forward, what do you anticipate is ahead for you when you return to the States next summer?

Angela: I knew to expect a bunch of difficult and direct questions from you, but this is the most difficult question that I am continually asked by everyone I come into contact with, both here and in the states. The answer is, of course, I am still not sure. The short-term view is a hope to spend lots of time catching up with family and friends. For the long term, I am getting a better grasp on what I do and do not want in life, and I hope to find a job and community that meets at least most of my desires. I am learning that I need to do more research and be more intentional about choosing jobs that more specifically fit my desires and strengths, as well as being in a place close to the people I care about. My ideas about place specifically have shifted in huge ways in the past few years. This mindset change actually started before I left, while reading challenging books by authors such as Wendell Berry and while living and working in a unique community set in rural Appalachia, called Good Works. I am coming to understand that generally most change is affected through long-term commitments to both a place and a community. I am referring to both the changes I can affect and the changes that can be affected inside of me by my relationships with others. Clearly this does not line up well with international development. This goal has been slow to die, as it really was what I saw myself doing long-term. But I am trying to be honest about the person God is molding me into, and I have to admit it no longer seems like a good fit. I am not saying this won’t change at some point in my life, but right now it is not the direction I am looking. In the year I spent at Good Works, I clearly saw the fruits of 30 years of labor in one community. The struggles and poverty were also evident, but there was a hope that I witnessed and experienced there that I have not seen anywhere else in the social service world, and especially not in a Peace Corps-type experience. I am not saying that this would be everyone’s experience, or that this hope is impossible elsewhere, just that I believe this type of community is special and takes years of commitment to build. It is quite possible that I will end up back there, whether next year or somewhere down the road. Regardless of whether I return there, I am searching for a community of faith, possibly in an intentional community environment, which is focused on living out Christ’s love by striving to alleviate human suffering while working to live in more sustainable ways. In a job setting, I want to work for a small organization in which I have a real relationship with my co-workers and boss. I see myself being relatively close to my family and friends, many of whom are getting married and having babies that I care about greatly and with whom I would like to build relationships. I am also leaning toward living in a rural area, where I can have a nice big garden to learn and grow in, as well as plenty of nature nearby to enjoy just for the sake of beauty. I do tend to get easily bored and have gone through many phases. so who knows if this will change. But if this is God’s will for my life, I hope I have the strength to endure this type of commitment for as many years as He wants me to.