The Self-Esteem Generation

Early last fall, I was surprised to see that included on my list of texts for a basic composition university course I teach was a book called Generation Me: Why Today's Young Americans are More Confident, Assertive, Entitled--and More Miserable than Ever Before by Jean Twenge (psychology professor at San Diego State). We use it for multiple purposes: to generate student responses, to engage in critical reading, and as a rhetoric for analysis.

In it, Twenge mentions a study by Harold Stevenson. The study found, perhaps unsurprisingly, that American children rate quite highly at thinking they are good at math but score poorly when their math skills are actually assessed. Why the disparity? Twenge says it's because of a self-esteem movement that we've taken on in homes, churches, and schools.

As a teacher and student, it's clear that no one is as guilty as my own professional field. Teachers give higher grades as a way to avoid conflict with students and parents. (Surely, as a student, I was/am a benefactor of this trend.) Everyone gets a sticker on their spelling test; everyone receives a trophy at the end of t-ball season.

And the consequences? Predictably, we've created a society of people who do not receive criticism well. Twenge quotes Maureen Stout, who said that "What the self-esteem movement really says to students is that their achievement is not important and their minds are not worth developing."

But Twenge also argues that we've also produced another trait in what she calls Generation Me (everyone born from the 1970s on): wide-reaching amounts of narcissism. That is, we were told we were special growing up, we were not asked much to demonstrate our special-ness, and thus we think very highly of ourselves, whether we've accomplished anything or not, whether we are loving those around us or not. One does not have to look very far into social media--my own pages surely included--to discover the merits of Twenge's argument.

Is there an alternative to indoctrinating kids into thinking that they're special? Should we all become like Tiger Moms? I do think there's an alternative, but I don't think rigidness is the only answer. Another option is affirmation. I can't claim to be all that good at it myself, but I suppose I'm learning what it is. The difference between self-esteem curriculum and affirmation is nuanced but significant. We cannot start a program for affirmation. In fact, it should be conceded that self-esteem programs are way easier than providing authentic affirmation for a person. Whereas self-esteem advocacy seems pretty superficial, affirming someone necessarily involves knowing that person--his or her story, pain, triumphs. And once we know them, we can express our sincere gratitude and pride in who that person is, including but not limited to what that person is good at, what in that person makes you become more alive.

The difference in result would be another nuanced but significant one. I think if we affirmed each other well, nurtured each other with intention, we would produce confident people who are assured that they are loved (rather than a bunch of narcissists).